rejection

So a really really like this boy, he was in my form for 5 years and we talk every day on MSN and are always texting each other, then after everyone telling us we would make a great couple and forever asking if we 'fancy'. Me and my best friend decided I will tell him, over MSN, how else!?. So I sat there staring at the screen building myself up, possibly for the biggest fall of my life, while he kept talking away. The time was around midnight when I finally found enough courage inside me.

I told him.

He said " I just want to be friends... for now"

I cried my heart out that night, all the while being comforted by the only person in the world who loves me for me.

You properly think I should get over it, but he was the first boy I have ever really liked, so much that I set myself up for a fall.

Well 2 months later and nothing has changed, other than I got over him. We still talk EVERY day/night, he still flirts like hell with me and we talk about stuff we wouldn't with anyone else, even though he had a girlfriend. He always invites me places, to football, the pub(!??) everywhere.

Him and his girlfriend split up, and I found myself comforting him, talking to him all night. Then I realised I still like him and the trouble is I like him too much to stop talking, so I won't get hurt again. But he is so confusing. Does he like me or not?

He makes my day when he talks to me.

why?

so the other day I was telling someone about this blog iam writing, and they said that, to quote, "it's a typical teenage thing to do, stereotypical", but I there thinking 'so what!? I like doing this OK I have only written one, but still, so I will continue to write this as shockingly it makes me feel better, I am soo used to keeping my feelings bottled up and hidden from everyone!

ever look up?

today my mum picked me up after the same old boring day at collage, i looked up at the ever expanding gray sky and for the first time ever i honestly felt depressed. Their i was driving along the same old road I've known all my life, going into the same old house, doing the same old things.

When i looked up i saw 5 different planes all heading in different directions. All i wanted to do was run straight to the nearest airport and jump on the next plane outta here. For as long as i remember i have wanted to move to New York, don't ask me why, i just love the idea of such a vibrant city. More recently I have started to want to go to California, more so LA. I have this crazy idea in my head of travelling around the world seeing sights, meeting people i will never forget. This is my dream, while others dream of attending Cambridge, becoming doctors achieving amazing things, all I dream of is travelling.

I sometimes sit and listen to my friends talking about university and future jobs and panic. It's not that I don't want to work, but I honestly have ZERO idea about what I want to do. All i want to do is go to America. Sometimes my friends look at my strangely whenever i mention USA, like the don't understand, to be honest sometimes I don't understand my 'obsession' with the place

Seeing those planes in the sky made me realise something, I desperately want to move to America and Iam determined to go.

I'll send you all a post card!!:))